


Say Something, I'm Giving Up On You

by ImmoralOwl



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bonding, Confessions, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Flying Lessons, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, Jealousy, M/M, Medical Procedures, Past Abuse, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sickfic, Swearing, Yondu Whump, ravagers as family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-08 22:55:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12263754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmoralOwl/pseuds/ImmoralOwl
Summary: Yondu has a million excuses until he doesn't. When he can't ignore his feelings and the emotional dam breaks regardless of if he wants it to or not will it be too late to matter?





	Say Something, I'm Giving Up On You

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't tag for homophobia because Stakar isn't (at least not in this one, I have an exile one in progress where he is) they just have that thing I feel a lot of lgbt kids go through where they worry about how their parent is going to react and are afraid.  
> Stakar openly admits in front of his crew that Yondu broke his heart which would imply he/crew doesn't hold that 'sentiment is evil' point of view so I implied/made him kind of fluffy and parental here.
> 
> This probably could have been cut into chapters but I'm awful at that

Yondu was supposed to be buffing the dents out of Stakar’s personal M-Ship since he was the one to put them there during his flight lesson yesterday, as punishment for not listening during it, along with scrubbing it inside and out.  
He was supposed to be doing that but then he had seen Kraglin sitting and fiddling with something at one of the hanger workbenches and decided that was more worthy of his time.  
He sidled up behind Kraglin silently with a smirk and draped himself over one of Kraglin’s shoulders startling him and causing him to nearly drop the part he was working on.  
Kraglin glared over his shoulder as Yondu stood up and stretched “ain’t you supposed ta be scrubbin?”.  
Yondu rolled his shoulders, “eh, got all shift” he said as he plopped down sitting on the workbench.  
Kraglin rolled his eyes, how Yondu got away with slacking off so much was always an amazement but then again Kraglin had never really tried to slouch in his work ethic to see how much he could get away with himself.

Yondu played with everything he could reach without having to get up and actually move while Kraglin finished the part, he was bored and wanted to find anything to do other than what he was supposed to be.  
Kraglin didn’t mind, much, until Yondu started poking him with a ruler over and over until he yanked it out of Yondu’s hand, “Ya want me to help ya Yondu, then ya can help me git this in mine?” he offered.  
Yondu smiled as innocent as he could and leapt up to get the cleaning supplies, mission ‘Get Kraglin to Share the Workload’ a success.  
While Kraglin hammered out the dents on the outside Yondu cleaned up the inside and in no time at all they were done, although for some odd reason it took Yondu more time to sweep and mop than it did to get the copious amount of dents out and Kraglin ended up inside helping to finish there too.  
Kraglin had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t because Yondu was being slow in effort of doing a good job but whatever got him back to his own ship was fine, he just had to put the last part he had been working on in and she should be ready to go again.

The last big mission Kraglin had leant his ship out to one of the senior officers that asked to borrow her and it came back missing half an engine.  
Stakar had been far more angry about it than Kraglin, he’d given her to him only a few months prior after the hanger manager had informed him Kraglin not only had become his best mechanic and for months been the one upkeeping Stakar’s personal M-Ship but was damn near an expert pilot despite being the youngest on the flying roster.  
When Stakar had come into the hanger the next day after the mission Kraglin thought he was going to tell him he was taking the ship back and he wouldn’t be allowed to fix it for himself to use anymore but what he got instead was a very gentle lecture on the fact it was Kraglin’s ship and they both knew the officer who had taken it out was a terrible pilot and a reminder that it was okay for Kraglin to be a little selfish with his things, and it was his.  
Stakar had only been angry that the officer took advantage of Kraglin’s generosity (or more likely inability to say no to anyone higher ranking) and gotten the ship so damaged, especially since it wasn’t his.

Kraglin had expected Yondu to bounce off as soon as they were finished to cause trouble else where but he found him following him back over to the workbench, which Kraglin had come to figure meant Yondu had something else he wanted to wheedle out of him, they’d been roomies long enough after all.  
When Stakar brought Yondu aboard Kraglin had a couple years onboard already and he’d made them bunkmates since they were both around the same age after Yondu’d been through two other roommates and was on a third, he also figured Kraglin helping Yondu with his education lessons during down time or if he was busy might bolster Kraglin’s confidence, so killing two birds with one stone.  
Kree battle slaves weren’t taught much, they didn’t need to be, just kill or be killed and some basics.  
Yondu was happy when Kraglin didn’t make fun of the way he talked or used words wrong like a lot of the other crew members did and he even found himself teaching Kraglin some Centaurian in return for the extra help.  
They bonded almost instantly and Kraglin was a little less quiet and withdrawn from ship happenings as Yondu never wanted to miss a party or a fight and dragged Kraglin with him, even if Kraglin stuck to the outskirts at least he was there.  
Yondu came out of his shell at lightning speed in contrast to Kraglin who still had a hard time rocking the boat so to speak even after a few years since being picked up himself by Stakar.  
They know pretty much everything about each other too by now, including which buttons to push on the other and how to read the silent signals of unspoken words like Yondu sticking around instead of going off to drink or make mayhem until they could go to mess together for dinner was a sign he either had something on his mind or needed something and didn’t know how to ask properly.  
Really they are the best of friends, or whatever it is they are, they’ve fooled around a few times, horney kids cooped up sometimes months at a time in a floating tincan in space after all or something like that.  
They were just satiating urges and why go down the hall when they could stay put and just use each other to satisfy those, at least that was the excuse Yondu always gave when Kraglin got up the nerve to sheepishly ask on occasion why Yondu picked him over the prettier beings on the ship ‘this time’.

“How soon ya gunna have er’ up again?” Yondu asked eyeing Kraglin’s small ship.  
“Just need ta put this in an take her for a test” Kraglin said as he crawled under his ship.  
He noticed Yondu’s boots had yet to leave after a few minutes, “when ya goin’ have yer own? Ya flyin lessons goin good?” he called out.  
Yondu flopped down hard onto the floor next to the ship and thunked his head against it, “Neva” he sighed out, “Stakar gets them damn panties a’ his twisted, makes me fuckin nervous ya know?”.  
Kraglin let out a tiny chuckle, he knew, everyone who was part of the hanger crew or happened to be in there when Stakar had him out with the comms open knew… knew Yondu was impatient and liked to try doing fancy tricks instead of getting the basics down, knew Yondu and his flying was part of the reason the man was getting grey hair and always seemed to be hoarse after their lessons.  
Yondu continued, either not hearing the little laugh or ignoring it, “said I gotta find me a new teacher cuz I ain’t paid attention”.  
Ah, there it was!  
Kraglin slid back out from under the ship finished with his work and glanced up at Yondu before standing, Yondu didn't have the usual shit-eating grin he wore when he was asking for something and knew he was going to get his way, in fact he looked almost sad and wasn’t even looking in Kraglin’s direction, instead opting to warily eye up all the other pilots as if trying to determine who might give him a chance.  
Kraglin gave it a thought before giving Yondu a gentle boot to the side of his thigh “wanna come out wit me?” he offered.  
“Why Kraglin Obfonteri, now here I were think’n I’d hafta buy ya a shit loada drinks fore you’d want ta announce it” Yondu grinned “what will Cap’n say?”.  
This time Kraglin’s tiny chuckle wasn’t ignored nor was the mumbled “asshole” and Yondu broke into thunderous laughter as he hopped up and followed Kraglin to enter the ship.

Once in the cockpit Yondu sprawled himself sideways over the co-pilot chair so he could watch Kraglin and if he stretched his legs just enough he could even mess with him by knocking his elbow with the toe of his boot.  
Kraglin fired it up and let out a little whoop at the sound of hard work paying off.  
He watched from the corner of his eye as Yondu studied his movements at the control panel while getting them out into open space.  
Once away from the main ship Kraglin turned on the co-pilot controls and asked Yondu to take over.  
“Ya want me ta what now?” came Yondu’s bewildered response, when he agreed to come out he hadn’t been expecting Kraglin to let him actually fly, Kraglin just fixed his ship and now he was handing control over to him knowing full well Yondu’s flying record, hell he’d just banged the dents out of the last ship Yondu had flew.  
“I gots mine on, ya fuck somethin’ up I can grab em” Kraglin said with a smile, it was always a treat when he got to be the one to fluster Yondu instead of the other way around it usually was.  
Yondu slid himself into position and gave the thrusters a shove jolting the ship forward a little too harshly before he put it where it was before and let go, he glanced over to Kraglin expecting to see the same disappointed face Stakar wore during lessons but Kraglin just smiled and said “softer, gotta be gentle with her” while waving a hand at the general vicinity around them.  
Yondu bit his top lip letting a single bottom canine show, gentle wasn’t exactly his forte and he would never admit it but part of what Stakar thought was him being a reckless brat by going too fast or taking turns too sharp was really just his inexperience with things that took a deft hand instead of a heavy one.  
A few more attempts and Kraglin could see Yondu getting tense, frustrated, so he showed him a few times with his own controls and Yondu watched closely, ‘so he CAN pay attention for more than a minute’ thought Kraglin with a bit of a smirk.  
Yondu did better, not great and certainly not perfect but better.

Kraglin put the ship into auto and showed him a few other controls, just enough to distract him and make him forget the movements from earlier.  
When he turned the controls back on and told Yondu to take over again as expected he shoved the thruster too hard and the throttle not hard enough although it wasn’t as brain jarring as the first few times from the start of the lesson, even still Yondu looked a tad upset at his mistake and sighed “can ya show me how again?”, he moved his hands along the side of each trying to mimic Kraglin’s speed.  
“Come ere”, Kraglin gave him a toothy smile “think I know how we’s can make this easier”.  
Yondu sat on the edge of Kraglin’s chair arm expecting to get another close up demonstration, what he wasn’t expecting was for Kraglin to snake a long skinny arm around his waist and pull him to sit on his lap hooking his chin over the Centaurians shoulder.  
Yondu silently cursed to himself, he hated being reminded how short he was and it was worse now that Kraglin had hit another growth spurt and shot up but Stakar had promised Yondu would catch up once he hit his own next one, they were still relatively young for their separate species so they both still had growing to do. 

“How’s this gunna help me learn better Krags?” Yondu scoffed as he folded his arms across his chest.  
Not that he was opposed to a little in-flight nookie with Kraglin but his mind was focused on having a chance to fly with someone who wasn’t going to rant and rave at him like a hovering parent trying not to take control of what their child was doing imperfectly.  
Kraglin wrapped both arms around him and took his hands in his, unfurling Yondu’s arms until they stretch out, then he placed Yondu’s hands on the controls and placed his on top.  
“This way I can guide ya stead of ya trying to guess” was all he said before he tightened his hold over Yondu’s hands and easing the flight controls forward.  
He took Yondu around the main ship, made a trip into atmosphere of a near by moon and even let Yondu do a few tricks, all with his hands guiding from the top.  
When they were ready to head home he slid his arms around Yondu’s waist like a seatbelt and let him take full control.  
Yondu practiced different speed controls the whole way back and with Yondu pressed back against him Kraglin couldn’t help but feel how much less tense Yondu was now compared to how tight and wound up he had been at the start of the lesson, he tightened his hold around Yondu’s waist in appreciation of it.

Once they commed to get back inside Yondu slid back into his seat and Kraglin took control.  
He watched closely how Kraglin moved to get the ship in and parked, mimicking the movements like he had before and ignoring the tiny voice telling him how nice it would be to still be in Kraglin’s lap with his warm hands over his guiding him again.  
They couldn’t do that, someone would be watching and see them and what if Stakar found out?  
Sure Captain seemed like a smart, open minded guy but he also had a WIFE and he’d taken Yondu under his wing, referred to Yondu and Kraglin as being brothers and he liked being around Stakar, having someone parental around even if it got annoying at times and he didn’t want to jeopardize that over, well, whatever he may or may not feel for Kraglin, especially since he didn’t know how Kraglin felt in return.

The last little clunk of being docked in place brought him out of his thoughts, and then the hatch opened to reveal Stakar standing tapping a boot with his hands on his hips and a very parental scowl set.  
“Hey Daddy” Yondu drawled with a mocking smile on his lips as he made his way down the ramp.  
“And just where have you been Udonta? Obfonteri what did he say to make you let him in your ship? He doesn’t have his arrow, it’s safely tucked away until he can learn to behave himself and not point it at everyone with a differing opinion of how much alcohol is too much” Stakar said unimpressed as he yanked Yondu to stand beside him in easy access to drag him off for punishment should his assumption be proven correct.  
Kraglin thumped his chest twice and ducked his head “Sir, I just got mah ship done, figured I’d let him tag along so he weren’t botherin no one since yers is done”.  
Stakar relaxed and released his grip on Yondu’s bicep and gave a pleased smile “smart boy. Alright, you two head to mess and get something to eat. Shifts almost over”.

Two days passed before Kraglin found himself with a big blue shadow following after breakfast.  
Once they got to the hanger Yondu finally spoke up, “so uh, ya real busy today? I know ya always a couple days ahead so I was thinkin maybe ya could take me out again”.  
Kraglin wanted to reply with a snappy comeback but honestly Yondu was right, he always was ahead on his work for the week.  
“After lunch, k?” was all he found to reply with.  
Yondu lit up and bounced off to wherever it was Stakar had probably assigned him to scrub for the day, 6 more days and Yondu would be back on his regular work roster and they wouldn’t get to see much of each other outside of meals and after shift hours, that is unless Yondu got bored and came wondering like he had a tendency to do when his supervisors or Stakar turned their backs for too long.  
As expected Yondu showed up early to drag Kraglin to lunch and then woolf down his meal, hurring Kraglin to do the same before practically dragging him back to the hanger.  
Kraglin couldn’t help but feel a little special at the fact Yondu was so excited to have him as an instructor for something.  
This time as soon as they were out and Kraglin offered his lap as a seat and he got settled Yondu flipped his hands .  
Kraglin made a funny face but Yondu said that way he could move Kraglin’s hands and Kraglin could stiffen up if he was doing it wrong to stop him - sexual innuendo totally meant, really he just wanted to be the one with the hands on top so he could be holding Kraglins.  
Half the day for flying lessons and the other half for working had turned into a pattern.  
The third lesson of the week as soon as Kraglin said it was his turn to take over, Yondu was in his lap before the last syllable was out.  
The fifth they waited until evening, they took advantage of the lesson taking place during shift change so Yondu could sneak onto Kraglin’s lap unnoticed and he could run him through uncoupling from the docking mechanisms and taking off into open space.  
The last day of Yondu’s free time when they went out Kraglin took him through an asteroid belt to work on tight controlling, which in hindsight might have been a mistake despite just one miniscule ding to the ship.

That dawned on both of them when they returned to the hanger and yet again an angry faced Stakar stood waiting for them, all too familiar posture from their first bout.  
Turns out one of the other nosier hanger crew had gotten jealous of the fact Kraglin wasn’t constantly hunched over something or down with the engineers helping out if he had so much free time and tattled on him that he was sneaking out everyday and so Stakar had watched him on radar to see what was going on.  
If he looked angry before he was livid upon seeing Yondu in flight gloves.  
“Joy riding around! Flying into a stars damn asteroid field of all things! What were you thinking?!” Stakar demanded as he skulked forward “You both could have been killed”.  
Yondu was quick to defend Kraglin by telling him that it wasn’t a “big fucking deal or anythin” but that did little to placate the man.  
He dragged Yondu to one side as the Hanger Master stepped to Kraglin to talk to him.

Kraglin had his head down but Yondu could still see the exact moment when the light left Kraglin’s eyes on the first spoken words.  
He couldn’t make out what was being said but he was paying close attention to each reaction or lack thereof that Kraglin gave.  
Stakar instantly lit into Yondu.  
Blahblahblah reckless blahblahblah irresponsible blahblahblah half a mind to take my belt to you blahblahblah, he wasn’t sure when Stakar actually went silent but it must have been a few minutes because when he glanced at him he was glaring at Yondu with an expectant eyebrow raised.  
“Uhhhhhh”  
Stakar pinched the bridge of his nose and let out an exasperated sigh.  
Before he could repeat his lecture or order anything Yondu started his own tame lecture.  
“Look ya said ta find ma’self a new teacher n’ I did. All that fancy flighin’ were mostly me ‘bout halfway through and Kraglin were right on toppa me tha whole time we was in there. I been doin real damn good, outta all ya’ll what’s been teachin’ me I learned more in a week, he’s tha best. He ain’t been slackin’ neither, gets shit done ‘fore we go out or after so ya can tell that asshole to lay off” Yondu glanced back to see Kraglin was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and chewing little cuts along his bottom lip looking like he’d just terraformed a whole nursery planet or something as his supervisor chastised him.  
“Ya wanna whoop mah ass off? Fine. Wanna have me scrubbin the decks with ma’ toothbrush, fine, can’t leave our room? Double fine, but I ain’t apologizin’ for learning” Yondu sneered the last word as he turned his eyes full of defiance back on Stakar.

What could he say to that?  
He had been the one to tell Yondu he needed to find someone else after his tenth crash with him after all, he knew Kraglin was a good kid, great pilot, with an even better work ethic that he’d yet to hear of even Yondu breaking and Gods beyond he knew how Yondu could be once he got determined or bored.  
He couldn’t admit he was proud of Yondu for turning his incessant nagging about Yondu learning against him but damn it was impressive Ravager tactic and he couldn’t admit he was proud of how far he’d come since clipping the shy broken boy’s collar when he had just talked back so harsh or he’d think he had permission to do it again.  
He couldn’t deny what he saw out there wasn’t leaps and bounds above what Yondu was capable of last time he had him aboard his M-Ship just a week ago.  
Certainly he couldn’t let anyone know he, Stakar fucking Ogord was jealous of the fact someone else could tame Yondu better than him.  
He grunted at the thought and Yondu must have took it as his answer because he looked back at Kraglin and Stakar followed his gaze, damn it he thought the kid was finally over all that shit.  
A sigh and Stakar had a hand on Yondu’s bicep turning him full bodily in the direction of the only other two people in the area with a generous smack to Yondu’s backside to get him moving.

Standing side by side the difference in the two boys was almost palpable.  
Kraglin was a withdrawn mouse with watery eyes and a face that read of mental self flogging more severe than the real thing.  
Yondu was a preening tropical bird with it’s feathers all ruffled up to let everyone that looked at it know it was the best damn thing around.  
When Kraglin turned side eyes to Yondu and all Yondu had to do was show off a toothy grin and not so gently love tap the other’s arm to get the tiniest of smile to unfurl another pang of jealousy mixed with pride hit Stakar.  
These damn kids were going to drive him insane.

They got a lecture on safety - tell someone you’re going and where, don’t rush into new moves, Yondu got informed Stakar would be taking him out twice a week to see how he was doing and he could continue evening flight lessons with Kraglin as long as needed if they both got their work done first (under no circumstances was Kraglin allowed to let Yondu wheedle him into taking him if his work wasn’t done and to check the roster and ask whoever he was under for the day if he came to the hanger or engine room before dinner) and then they were sent straight to bed.  
In their room Kraglin let out a shaky little laugh before Yondu tackled him to the bed  
Sitting on Kraglin’s prone form with his arms crossed Yondu said “tch ya think I’d ever let anything happen to ya?” and it wasn’t really a question as much as it was ‘I’ve got your back’.  
“So ya really think I’m tha best?”  
Snort, “Don’t get me a fleshy seat in any other ship”.

Aw hell.

Abject terror tore its way across both their faces at the same time and Kraglin was slapping Yondu’s thighs to get him off so he could sit up.  
Shit, shit… Stakar wasn’t going to hold Yondu on his lap and guide his hands like gentle foreplay.  
Neither of them knew if Yondu could do it from his own seat and if Yondu turned back into a nervous ball of performance anxiety tomorrow when Stakar took him out he was going to start asking questions.  
Questions like ‘were you really the one flying yesterday?’ and ‘what does Obfonteri do that I’m not?’ or even more awkward and potentially dangerous “would you please show me exactly how you’ve been learning?”.  
Kraglin grabbed a bunch of trinkets from Yondu’s ‘Hoard of the Cute and Shiny’, a couple protein bars and a data pad, he laid them out to resemble the flight control panel and walked Yondu through the sequences having him carry out the motions with the makeshift flying apparatus several times on his own until they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore.  
Well that was that then, either Yondu could pull it off or bluff his way out of any interrogation he got when he couldn’t or they were going to have to try and explain something even they weren’t sure what was and weren’t quite ready to put words to.

Right after breakfast Stakar had followed them both to the hanger from the mess hall.  
Kraglin gave Stakar’s ship a quick once over and prepped her for take off, as he scurried for his workbench he caught Yondu’s attention as he followed Stakar up the ramp and they both gave the other a small wave and nervous smile behind the mans back.  
Stakar didn’t have him get the ship out of the hanger but he did hand over control not far enough from the ship for Yondu’s liking.  
Yondu took a deep steadying breath and ran through all the controls he knew aloud before actually taking over once Stakar nodded his approval.  
He was a little heavy handed and only about half as graceful as he was when he had a living Xandarian cushion under him but Stakar had yet to yell or turn his console off on him.  
In fact Stakar actually looked amused as he told him to relax and do what he had been for the last week.  
That certainly seemed to make Yondu both relax and tense up at the same time for a moment but Stakar didn’t comment on it.  
For a second Yondu closed his eyes and pictured Kraglin’s hands under his, when he opened them he found it was easy to think of his flight gloves as Kraglin’s hands with his under them and he relaxed as much as he could picturing it with Stakar a foot away giving orders of what and where he wanted of him.  
He did pretty splendid until Stakar asked him to dock and, oops, they hadn’t really gone over that more than the one time and with a menagerie of stand in parts last night.  
Stakar looked only mildly annoyed when he had quickly flip control back to himself to avoid slamming into the hull of the ship.  
All in all, an impressive trip out and both Yondu and Kraglin beamed at the praise for jobs well done.

When they get planetside leave a couple weeks later while the rest of the crew takes their M-Ships to the port Kraglin takes his with Yondu in it far away from the city where they can practise landing in something other than the hanger.  
It goes pretty well until Yondu decides he can do it without any help and earns himself a boney seatbelt.  
It’s both their faults, Kraglin for burying his face into Yondu’s back to revel in the scent and feel instead of hooking his chin over Yondu’s shoulder as always to watch and it’s Yondu’s fault for looking out the side at some small furry critter they were passing instead of where he was going, for getting too close to the trees, for not saying “oh shit” sooner.  
They didn’t crash as hard as they could have thanks to Kraglin’s reflexes but it’s hard enough to send Yondu flying into the window and then the side of the ship as they spin around and finally against the chair he should have been buckled into all along rather than sitting on Kraglin’s lap unprotected.  
As soon as the engines cut off Kraglin is tearing at his seatbelt and rushing to Yondu’s limp form.  
Oh Gods...oh Gods… oh Gods  
Yondu is bleeding from somewhere, there’s blood so navy it almost looks black on his face, his clothes, everything he hit apparently as Kraglin looks around quick for the first aid kit.  
By the time he has it and gets it back over to Yondu and open, Yondu is conscious again and mutters “fuckin’ hell”.

“Don’t move, yeah? Where’s it hurt at?”  
“Everywhere”  
“Good gash on ya head here, least ya ain’t cracked that implant of ya’s”  
“Think I cracked a rib though… maybe an arm”  
“Shit”  
“Shit”  
“Did I… I wreck it?”  
“Uh, kinda… not like real hard, gunna have ta explain all the dents an why the interiors painted with your blood though we get back, um yeah and get ya to doc”  
“Krags….”  
“Yeah?”  
“Real hard ta breath”  
“Shit”

Kraglin gets Yondu into the co-pilot chair (seat belts him in good) and makes for the home ship.  
By the time they get there he has to comm for help because between the pain Yondu’s in and his wheezing gasps for air he knows he can’t get him to the med bay by himself Kraglin’s damn strong despite his skinny appearance but Yondu’s made of compact muscle and sturdy bone and if he’s bulky normally, well dead weight he’s damn near heavy.  
Of course Stakar is onboard again, and of course he hears Kraglin’s frantic squeeks about having an emergency and needing help getting Yondu to the doctor.  
Stakar is all but flinging himself across the med bay demanding to know what happened as Doc settles an oxygen mask over a now unconscious Yondu’s face.  
One of the nurses pushes Kraglin into the hall, which is where Stakar finds him once Doc has gone over all Yondu’s injuries and tightroped a line between telling Stakar to get out so he can work and suggesting he go check on Kraglin.

Kraglin is standing in the hall still staring at his blood stained hands, he’s white as the lights overhead and eyes glistening with the threat of tears.  
When he hears Stakar’s footsteps he flinches and stays cringed like a well beaten puppy who’s never known a kind hand.  
Stakar sits on the bench outside the door and motions for Kraglin to do the same, he frowns when Kraglin crumples to the floor and draws his knees up to curl into a ball like he’s expecting him to jump up and start kicking him.  
He asks him what happened in the softest tone he can muster through the worry and ebbing fear but all he gets is a jumbled mess he can pick, ‘landing’, ‘seatbelt’ and ‘all my fault’ out of.  
He rests his hand on Kraglin’s head but quickly pulls it away when he sees it makes the tremors worse.  
“He has a concussion, broken arm, fractured rib, collapsed lung and plenty of scrapes and bruises” Stakar says.  
He immediately regrets it when Kraglin gags on the guilt and sobs he’s been choking back and he figures he’d actually be puking if he’d eaten today but Stakar has noticed Kraglin only materializes in the mess hall when Yondu is around and cook hasn’t given him any motherly looks lately asking why the kid’s taking his trays off instead of staying like he had when he first came years ago.  
They sit in silence until Doc opens the door and announces they can come in and gives Stakar a look that speaks volumes of there being a cranky Centaurian awake to greet them.

The first thing out of Yondu’s mouth as they near him is a raspy “fuck this thing” as he pulls the oxygen mask off his face and puts it back on a few times like he can’t decide if he means it.  
Stakar narrows his eyes at him and he leaves it in place.  
His face softens, not enough that Yondu can’t tell he’s still irritated, as he asks Yondu what happened.  
Yondu glances at Kraglin who looks almost as bad as he does and won’t meet his eyes, he’s staring at the tube sticking out from between Yondu’s ribs.  
“Don’t look at him, look at me. What happened?” and he doesn’t have to look at Kraglin to know he’s cringing like he expects to be escorted to an airlock if there’s a wrong answer given.  
“We was practising landing planetside… thought it’d be good cuz there were a nice field and stuff, lots of free time” Kraglin starts with a wavy voice.  
“Dicked up ‘bout the 4th time gave us a balls hard land and ain’t had my buckle done up all right I guess” Yondu offers just a touch breathless with as casual a shrug as he can do like landing himself on a med cot is no big thing.

They aren’t lying to their Captain, they were practising and the landing was hard and well technically Yondu didn’t have his seatbelt buckled right, considering it wasn’t done at all and on a different chair but there was a difference between omitting little things and lying, right?  
Stakar studies them for a moment, and this awful sadistic part of him feels joy that they crashed, that the shadowy stick that’s his other heartstring case that Yondu is slowly replacing him with isn’t really better than him and won’t take him away, isn’t better at taming him, teaching him, keeping him in line.  
He wants to scoop Yondu up and baby him, both of them if he’s being honest, but they’re Ravagers and not even his wife lets him actually be snuggly-wuggly outside the bedroom and he’s pretty sure even with one lung Yondu could whistle if he tried hard enough and while that makes for a hilarious mental image he doesn’t want the idiot to hurt himself any further.  
He settles for a pat to Yondu’s head and rubbing the humming cast on his arm before turning to Kraglin and holding both his forearms as he speaks.  
“You’re going to have to look after him once he’s allowed out” he says, hoping the ‘that’s punishment enough for whatever you think you need it for’ is silently enough implied.  
“That’ll be a week, then Obfonteri plays nursemaid for another” Doc chimes in from his adjoining office and Yondu huffs as best as he can.  
He turns to Yondu and lets him know he’ll be by so often to check on him and make sure he’s not being a bigger brat than usual that he’ll be sick of him.  
“Too late” Yondu says with a sly smirk but Stakar seems to get the last laugh when he tells Kraglin not to stay too long because they both need rest and Yondu gives something that’s just the tiniest bit remnant of a pout.  
Then it’s just the two of them.

Yondu waves his cast over the edge of the bed in a motion that lets Kraglin know he wants him to sit a minute before he leaves.  
They talk quietly so Doc won’t hear them.  
“I’m sorry ‘bout ya ship Krags”  
“You’re sorry? Look at you! I-”  
“Don’t”  
“But-”  
“I said don’t”  
“Ya coulda-”  
“Dumbass!… ya, umm, still gunna.. ya know let me fly wit ya?”  
“If ya stayin’ in yer own seat….. don’t think I could take another accident like that”  
“What if I were ta cop one o’ them seatbelt longering thingys Charlie has next time he drops by?”

Kraglin doesn’t say anything just leans closer a little with his head bowed toward Yondu and places his finger ever so gentle on the tube draining air from his chest so his lung will stay inflated until it’s healed.  
Yondu takes a second to hesitate while Kraglin is lost in thought before he uses the extra closeness to his advantage, with his good arm he reaches up and plucks the mask off his face and gives Kraglin a lightning fast peck to the forehead with just the slightest grunt of having to move forward to close the distance.  
The little bloom of pain is more than worth it for the color Kraglin turns in response.  
“Night Kraglin, see ya after ya shift tomorrow” and it comes out more like a question than a statement, like maybe Yondu isn’t sure he’s crossed some line he didn’t want to or he expects Kraglin to evaporate after he gets through the doors never to return.  
“I’ll sneak ya some Beasties, goodnight Yondu” and when he says it the blush hasn’t left his face.

Kraglin brings a can of bedtime Beasties every night for the whole week Yondu’s stuck in med bay, even feeds them to him if Yondu wants them before he leaves since the cast is still on his dominant arm.  
Yondu doesn’t mention that he can use his other hand to feed himself just about as well as the other, not because he likes being fork-fed his favorite snack by Kraglin or anything it’s just that it gives the idiot something to do while he visits him that ain’t trying to baby and fuss over him from the guilt that’s still lingering around.  
He gets enough fussing over from Stakar who spends at least three hours each morning with him.  
When he’s finally allowed out it’s Stakar that walks him to his room despite a dozen cranky protests from Yondu about the tube being gone and the cast being off and not needing an escort.

Once they get there Stakar follows him in and shit if he doesn’t start looking around.  
Yondu tries to distract him from taking in the room too much, tells him he wants to take a shower and sleep in the hopes he’ll go away but it’s too late, the man has made himself comfortable looking around like he owns the place - which, yeah, Yondu guesses he technically does.  
Stakar hadn’t been in their room since thrusting Yondu through the door and telling him to play nice with his new roommate and his things.  
The floor is actually picked up, a stark contrast to Yondu’s room when he previously shared one, no half eaten food rotting into the panels and empty candy wrappers or piles of clothes that may or may not be clean.  
The desk was neat and organized, there were even four bins to hold the datapads that held reports - two labeled for each of them with ‘finished’ or ‘fill out’ and impressively enough the one labeled ‘Yondu - Fill Out’ had far fewer than the one labeled ‘Yondu - Finished’ but he had a suspicious feeling Kraglin was the one making that happen and not because he was hounding Yondu to get them done, he’d have to pay the records office a visit and ask to see the reports Yondu turned in before vs the ones after he became roommates with him.  
No nude posters on the walls like some of the other Ravager’s rooms or stacks of porn.  
The only thing of concern was their bunk beds.  
The top bunk was covered in (what he knew must be Yound’s) little trinkets and stuffed toys and miscellaneous stuff like it was the rooms junk drawer, there was hardly any room for anyone to sleep on it, just a bit of a sliver on the edge but Kraglin was a toothpick, still it was a wonder the kid hadn’t ended up in medical from a fall off in his sleep.  
Stakar grunts, Yondu is greedy and it isn’t fair to make Kraglin suffer, especially since it had been Kraglin’s room first and his bed Yondu has obviously stolen to sleep in.  
He considers if he should offer one of them the single bed room that had opened up three days prior when one of his oldest officers lost their shit and took a dive into one of the energy converters, sometimes people just broke like that when they knew their end was near.

Yondu tries to decipher Stakar’s face as the man looks at the beds, if he asks why they share a bed he can always tell him they’re both used to sharing cramped sleeping spaces and it helps the nightmares, both of which is true for the pair.  
Just as Stakar opens his mouth to speak his wrist comm beeps and his First Mate informs him he’s needed right away on bridge.  
Yondu mentally sighs in relief, then loud and long once he’s the rooms only occupant.  
He remembers when they first started sharing the bed.  
Yondu had broken his leg during a mission and when he came back to their room in the middle of the night he found he couldn’t get up into his bunk with the bone knitter cast on.  
He woke Kraglin up and told him to move over, and not being totally awake he had.  
In the morning Kraglin hadn’t complained about his bed mate or the lack of space and he didn’t complain or move up to the top bunk the next night when it was time for bed.  
Yondu figured it was because of Kraglin’s self esteem issues and not wanting to speak up negatively.  
The cast came off and that first night he slept in his own bunk again he had a horrible nightmare about jumping down from his bunk like he always did but his leg damn near snapping in half and for some reason when he found himself in the med bay the Doc was a Kree holding a bone saw smiling as he cut it off before moving to all the other limbs and no matter how loud he screamed no one came and he couldn't move to get away or whistle.  
Yondu had five more nightmares that each made him wake up screaming in half that many weeks and before there could be a sixth Kraglin had pointed out he didn’t have any the week they shared a bed and offered to just make it a thing.  
Yondu agreed so they could both get uninterrupted sleep each night.

Kraglin brings a dinner tray overflowing with food almost as soon as he’s off shift for Yondu since he has the week of bed rest, which is bullshit in Yondu’s opinion because he’s all healed up and he doesn’t need an entire week of just lying around in bed.  
At first Yondu is a little sad, he is definitely not sad about having to eat alone, without him, nope, nope, that’s not it, he’s just sad that, uh, there might be a food fight in the mess hall he’ll miss out on or the fact he can’t walk down there and get his own food, yeah that’s it!  
He sits up from where’s been sprawled out on their bed and moves to the head of it.  
Kraglin sets the tray down in front of him and then mirrors Yondu on the other side of it before handing Yondu a fork and spoon.  
When he produces another set from a shirt pocket and starts to tuck into the food on the tray Yondu fights to keep the smile off his face.  
While they eat Kraglin fills him in on the latest gossip Yondu’s missed out on today, and that’s how it goes each day after for the week.  
Stakar brings him a tray at breakfast and lunch, Kraglin brings him dinner.  
When he’s finally allowed off bed rest he finds himself just vaguely missing the last weeks dinner times when he sits in all the noise of the mess hall with his own tray in front of him and Kraglin is chatting away to everyone at the table and they chatter back.

Things go back to normal, Kraglin has started taking Yondu out for flying lessons again, he’s a little more reluctant to let Yondu sit in his lap this time around each lesson but Yondu usually manages to get his way.  
After a little while he doesn’t have as much time to wander off and bug Kraglin as often or get flying lessons from him because Stakar is grooming him to follow in his footsteps.  
When Yondu asks Stakar when he’s going to get his own M-Ship after he deems Yondu’s as good as he’ll ever be Stakar laughs and tells him he can get one when he’s a captain.  
When missions come up Yondu finds himself a little jealous he can’t just hop in a ship and take off so he promises himself even if he’s never some fancy high flying ace pilot getting his own M-Ship is going to be the first thing he does when Stakar drops keys to his own galeon into his hand.  
He’s not a bad pilot and even if he was willing to admit despite the extra lessons, from Stakar and a couple other pilots who don’t balk at the idea of taking him, he’s still not perfect and never will be his goal is to be a captain and captains don’t fly the damn ship anyway, that’s why there’s pilots in the crew.  
Stakar has lots of pilots on his and Yondu’s not always assigned to Kraglin, sometimes when he isn’t he rides with Stakar, sometimes he rides with someone he doesn’t care about enough to learn the name of.

It’s one of those latter times that Yondu ends up getting stabbed in the back on a mission because his pilot partner, while he’s a good fighter - all the pilots are, they aren’t just pilots after all, they help on the mission too once they land - is screwing around and not watching said stabbed back.  
As he sits in the med bay while Doc stitches the wound later his mind finds itself wandering to the thought Kraglin would have never let something like that happen and if it did Kraglin would have decimated the guy that did before he could do it himself and he has to stop himself from snorting at it because yeah Kraglin always has his back on a mission when they’re partnered up but that’s how it’s supposed to be, he might go above and beyond some times for Yondu but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.  
It doesn’t mean anything that neither of them has brought up what happened the last time Yondu was here either because Stakar kisses his wife all the time and they’ve seen parents kissing their kids on shore leave, some cultures even kiss as a way of saying stuff like hi and bye and Yondu isn’t entirely sure himself why he even did it other than it felt like something he wanted to do at the time.

After the stitches come out and he has some down time he goes to bug his roomie in the hanger and finds him with a nervous looking rookie and the Hanger Manager telling Kraglin he’s going to be teaching the guy to fly.  
He’s probably just hungry when his stomach drops hearing it.  
It’s probably just indigestion when he stops back by later when he hears Kraglin on the hanger comm (that he’s totally not been channeled into waiting, he just hit his comm watch and it was already on that one and he forgot to turn it off or switch to another areas channel to hear their banter) say he’s ready to return and rookie-boy emerges looking way more confident and pleased.  
He doesn’t wonder if Kraglin is teaching the guy - who’s a not all that bad looking Xandarian with way less scars than him - the same way he did him and IF his mind wandered off like that it was only because Kraglin kept the seat belt extender in a drawer and he’d forget it was there on one of their outings, get himself killed by the guys flopping around body and he’d have a new roommate thrust on him.

When Yondu gets sick and Kraglin gets quarantined to their room with him a few weeks later he figures the fact Kraglin is playing nurse for him so intense is just because he’s bored or so Yondu will rest and get better faster so he can go back to work.  
He knows Kraglin feels guilty not helping out around the ship, must be worried about the workload that’s piling up.  
Kraglin isn’t sick, he’s one of the few that’s immune to what Yondu has, but Doc doesn’t want to take the chance of him spreading it by ‘wafting Yondu’s germs all over each time he leaves their room in the next 3 days’ and there isn’t an empty bed right now for Kraglin elsewhere onboard.

Yondu pukes for the third time that day and Kraglin is right there to empty the bucket for him like the first two times, when Yondu says he doesn’t have to keep doing that Kraglin chuckles and responds with “and let ya get up and drop it shaky as ya are? No thanks, don’t fancy tha idea of smelling barf till I can git some better cleaning shit in here”.  
Kraglin uses a cool wet cloth on Yondu’s forehead, fluffs his pillow and helps Yondu take his medicine before tucking the blanket around him better and telling him to sleep.  
When Yondu next wakes up the following day, he watches Kraglin sitting on the floor by the bed - he’s got earbuds in and a trashy Xandarian lovey-dovey soap opera on his personal datapad playing, looks like he probably hasn’t slept.  
Yondu starts coughing and almost feels bad when Kraglin practically jumps out his skin with the first one.  
Kraglin’s sitting on the bed in a flash, patting Yondu’s back and even hands him a tissue when he starts hacking up mucus, takes it away from him to throw it out for him too even though it’s all germy and gross.  
Yondu wonders if anyone else would do that for him.

“I gotta take ya temp, think tha fever broke in the night. Was real outta it, sweatin’ buckets too, was worried for awhile there” Kraglin says as he comes back to the bed holding a thermometer.  
Yondu frowns, it’s not even the fancy one that just scans you or an ear model it’s an ancient one you have to hold in your mouth and he curses Doc for sending his old school shit in.  
When Kraglin makes to stick it in his mouth Yondu thins his lips into a line and shakes his head.  
“Mmm-mm”.  
He feels a little better today, chest is a little achy from the puking yesterday and coughing fit just now, his eyes still feel gritty and he’s a little weaker than he’d like to be but his nose isn’t stuffy anymore, his head doesn’t hurt as much, he doesn’t want to scratch his own throat out from the inside and he doesn’t feel like death warmed over.  
He doesn’t feel hot anymore either so probably no fever.  
Kraglin raises an eyebrow at him as he says “thas nice an all but need to check” once Yondu’s done listing his current symptoms and lack of previous ones.  
He makes to put it in Yondu’s mouth again and Yondu turns his head the opposite direction, and back when Kraglin follows the turn and tries again and again.  
“Mmm-mm”  
With Kraglin this close he can see the sleepless bags under his eyes, oh well if he pushes Kraglin away being obnoxious he won’t have to worry about why the fact Kraglin staying up all night to keep vigil on him because he was worried over him makes him feel like he might still be feverish after all.  
That bubbly feeling is because he hasn’t eaten since he got sick, that’s all.  
“There’s other places I can stick this ya know” Kraglin says with the most stern face Yondu’s ever seen on him “now open up or roll over, th’is impotant”.  
As Yondu opens his mouth and closes it around the thermometer he’s glaring but he only half means it and he’s not sure why.

No more fever, Kraglin doesn’t have to check again unless Yondu starts feeling all hot like he did at the onset of getting sick.  
Yondu ends up asleep again, when he wakes up he’s absolutely starving and feeling all better.  
Kraglin uses their coffee maker to heat water for a couple of instant soup cups he keeps in their room, he helps Yondu get sat up before he hands him his.  
When they have both finished Yondu asks to watch the show Kraglin had on earlier and after binge watching a bunch of back episodes he finds he’s annoyed they’re all caught up and he has to wait a week to find out if the orange lady is pregnant with the yellow dudes baby or the red one she’s been fooling around with on the side, the fact he has to wait a week to get cosy up to share the screen with Kraglin has nothing to do with it of course.  
As Kraglin clicks the screen off he tells Yondu he should take a shower since they get springed in the morning, helps him out of bed, even goes so far as to hover behind him as Yondu makes his way into their bathroom in case he gets dizzy or shaky again, has Yondu leave the door open in case he needs him.  
When Yondu gets out of the shower there’s clean clothes on the counter of the sink for him.  
He tells himself he shouldn’t feel flattered for all the help he’s gotten in the last few days, Kraglin helps everyone.

Kraglin helps one of the other engineers up on the bridge with a malfunctioning communications panel a couple days after they’re out of quarantine.  
She’s a thin pretty little thing, half Yondu’s girth everywhere but the chest and that’s only so obvious because she’s got a jumpsuit on that’s zipped down far enough most of bridge crew can watch half her massive tits jiggle each time she moves.  
Kraglin steals a couple glances at them himself.  
That shouldn’t make Yondu’s face heat up.  
It sure as hell shouldn’t make him want to stomp over and zip the bitches funbags out of sight.  
He doesn’t realize he’s paying more attention to the way Kraglin smiles at her, the way his hand brushes her’s when it doesn’t need to, how when Kraglin lays flat on his back and the top half of him disappears into the housing she crawls on top of him and the flesh balloons must practically be in his face as he can picture her twisting her head to see what he’s pointing up at in there, the way Kraglin puts his hands on her hips to steady her as she backs down him and out of the housing when they’re done working in there, until Stakar yells at him for not answering him.  
“Fuckin’ titties over there’s distracting, Sir” is his reply.  
If it sounds grumpy instead of husky like he figures it should because, hell, he just had his own sweet little lady himself yesterday in the supply closet on deck X which was appropriate since what they did was definitely X rated to say the least, he can blame it on getting yelled at for not paying attention.  
Stakar sends ‘Boobs’ off to go out with a pilot and try contacting them to double check it’s fixed.  
Yondu doesn’t understand why he feels incredibly angry and a touch betrayed at Kraglin when Kraglin shoots him a look like he just rained piss all over his parade.  
When Kraglin isn’t in mess at the time they always eat dinner that night and he overhears ‘Boobs’ roommate at the table behind him sigh and say “she’s got Obfonteri this time, at least he’s sweet enough to change the sheets after they do it on my bed” the fact he’s suddenly not hungry anymore has nothing to do with it, it’s just because he snacked a lot during the day and that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

These incidents where he has to convince himself he feels something different or doesn’t understand why he feels a certain way increase with frequency over the next couple months.  
They seem to be worse, stronger emotions, right after him and Kraglin have fooled around together and something happens soon after.  
Things like another blue body wearing Kraglin’s oversized jacket while they’re planetside that ain’t him - just because they’d fallen into some icy water, lots of other people with coats around he could have taken one from and lots of people who could have took him back to the ship.  
The time Kraglin blows him off to play poker with his friends.  
When Kraglin gets hurts on a solo mission and comes back vomiting up blood.  
Everytime he looks at the trinket Kraglin got him when they were planetside without him even hinting how much he wanted it.  
The times he catches Kraglin getting dressed or undressed now, and that shouldn’t make him feel anything at all because he’s been seeing it for years.

The last straw is when he’s got two women that are just his type and perfect instead of the bots he’s starting to prefer over everyone who isn’t Kraglin and that’s just the problem.  
He can’t focus on the ladies no matter how hard he tries.  
It’s rare now when he has a warm body that ain’t Kraglin, and he tells himself that’s because Kraglin knows his past and isn’t to hoity-toity to bang an ex-slave, doesn’t look at his scars with sad eyes or worse pitty, he doesn’t have to promise to call Kraglin and then not do it.  
His mind keeps fucking with him while the rest of tries to with the ladies, it keeps making a running commentary about how tighter Kraglin is than either of these beauties, it’s nice to plow someone but it’s also almost nicer when Kraglin plows him, how the blowjob he’s getting from the one is good but she’s not doing that thing with her tongue that Kraglin does that makes him see stars, that warm naked skin feels weird when it’s not carpeted in hair.  
He finds himself faking his way through the rest of the encounter.  
If someone had told him after that first time he’d told Kraglin to fuck him through their mattress or the first time he used Kraglin as a cock holder that he was going to have all kinds of feelings and issues for the lanky idiot he would have laughed or shot his arrow through their throat for lying.  
This can’t go on, he feels like he’s losing his mind, he feels like when he first lost his crest and he had a hard time telling what was real and what wasn’t without the added help.

Yondu paces in his room on the ship, back and forth like some kind of caged animal.  
Should he go ask Stakar or one of the other Captains about it?  
If Yondu’s suspicion is right Stakar might hate him, might tell him he’s a disgusting disappointment and toss him off next time they get close to a planet, the other Captains might tell Stakar.  
Does he tell Kraglin?  
Kraglin’s kind of been avoiding him lately, not that he blames him because Yondu’s been a little more moody lately with everything that’s going on.  
If he spills his guts will Kraglin put an end to their nookie times, laugh at him, be just as confused about it all as he is?  
Maybe he can go to Doc, tell him he feels weird, blame it on his implant malfunctioning or something.

For once the Gods are merciful to Yondu and he doesn’t have to do anything.  
That night there’s a very tame party going on in the rec room because one of the gunners has gotten married.  
Stakar and Aleta are at the same table as Yondu and Kraglin, bunch of others too, and they all start talking about the happy couple dancing in the center of the room.  
Someone mentions they didn’t expect it because they were always at each other throats.  
Aleta snorts because the same can often be said of her and Stakar.  
Kraglin is slowly peeling the label off his beer bottle, he looks deep in thought.  
Someone else starts talking about their own wedding years ago and how they’ll never get remarried.  
Yondu asks why and is told love.  
He must make a confused face because everyone at the table but Kraglin and the evolutionist nut job who thinks sex is only for baby making and doesn’t need such things laugh.  
He gets a brief explanation on the concept of love, that some species mate for life, they form a bond with one person and what that means, things like monogamy and the like.  
Stakar points out that Centaurians are like that but Yondu’s such a whore because he never got taught that growing up, seeing there weren’t around him, everyone laughs except Kraglin again, Kraglin is focused on the almost peeled label.

When Kraglin talks it’s low and sincere, he looks directly into Stakar’s eyes as he talks like he’s analyzing for lies.  
“How did ya know if yer in love? When ya find… the one” and the way he says it, like maybe he’s trying to confirm something makes Yondu’s blood run icy cold.  
He freezes, can’t get anything about his body to respond, his heart can’t seem to figure out if it wants to lay in his boots or jack hammer his tonsils, his eyes ache, there’s something jittery and light in his stomach.  
Maybe it’s just curiosity making Kraglin ask and he isn’t asking because he thinks he found the person he loves, wants to marry himself, but what if it is?  
Yondu wants to jump up and run away but at the same time he wants to know the answer to that himself.  
As he hears all their answers it’s his turn to focus on slowly peeling the label on his own bottle because if he doesn’t he might be tempted to steal a glance at Kraglin and he doesn’t want to see what’s going on there.

Kraglin’s excused himself about the time the party turns from tame to whoots of ‘consummate it so we can see’.  
He isn’t in their room when Yondu comes in later and there’s nothing he can tell himself that will distract him from the fact Kraglin is probably in someone else’s room right now, confessing his love, planting gentle kisses and touches so tender they can’t breathe, planning a wedding of his own, maybe he’s even gotten in his M-Ship and flown off with them into the stars for the start of their new forever.  
There isn’t even any dust to blame his leaking eyes on.  
He hasn’t been on a mission or in the ring lately to blame the fact he feels punched in the gut at the thought, not just punched but like the time he got knocked down in the colosseum when he was still a slave and kicked in the stomach until he was sure his innards were wet cement.  
It hurts, his everything hurts.  
His implant flares and tells him he’s lost something, lost a part of himself again, and where the fuck was that before!  
Couldn’t the damn thing have decided to speak up earlier, screamed ‘hey asshole you like Kraglin’ so loud all day he couldn’t ignore it?  
But he doesn’t just like Kraglin, he wants him, he needs him.

He misses him when he’s not there, worries about him even when he doesn’t need to, thinks about him all the time, would rather do anything with him than anyone else, wants to protect him, be protected by him.  
Kraglin makes him a little less selfish, a little less guarded, makes him feel pretty and special even though he isn’t, takes his nightmares away and makes him forget about his past.  
All those things they talked about at the table earlier are all the things they do for each other, with each other, how he feels, acts, they were a play by play of him and Kraglin.  
He loved and lost and didn’t even know he loved.

Yondu stands under the shower head and for the first time since Stakar clipped his collar and said the word ‘free’ he sobs.  
Only this time it’s not out of joy.  
He lost his ‘one’ without even knowing and the terrible part is they were right there the whole time, he had all the signs right there and ignored them.  
The universe had practically drawn him a map and held his hand to him, lit up a neon flashing sign all around Kraglin bigger and brighter than any on Contraxia.  
None of it mattered now, Kraglin had someone else, he found his ‘ the one’ and it wasn’t Yondu.  
The rest of his life he was going to suffer with the gaping hole he felt in his chest, never know anything but synth-flesh again, all because he was stupid, stubborn, heartless… and he didn’t really understand how that word could have more meanings until now because he always just thought it described someone cruel.

Kraglin still isn’t back when Yondu plods out of the bathroom, slow and careful like if he steps too hard or just right he might break apart again and shatter into so many pieces even with the help of Docs microscope they’ll never find all the pieces again let alone put him together again.  
He slips on his sleeping pants, stands in front of the closet to get a shirt to sleep in too because he suddenly wants to cover up the longest scar he has that proves if he had been worth as much as he thought to the universe he’d still have a crest there that wouldn’t have betrayed him like the implant has.  
His eyes land on an oversized long sleeve shirt of Kraglins.  
When Kraglin wears it he practically swims in it, but it has a picture of his favorite band on it and he got it at a concert he dragged Yondu to when they shot it out to the audience during his favorite song.  
When ever Kraglin had it on it was a silent singal he’d had a really really really horrible day, Yondu never pointed it out or asked about it, it was comfy and warm and seems to help Kraglin when he wears it.  
He’s having a really really really horrible day himself.  
Yondu slips it on and it smells like Kraglin.

It’s a few more hours before Kraglin finally come in.  
Yondu’s laying on his belly on the bed with his face buried in a pillow and Kraglin probably figures he’s asleep because he doesn’t greet him or say anything just goes straight to the bathroom.  
When Yondu sits up he can see Kraglin standing in front of the mirror splashing water on his face trying to get his face to stop looking so blue and mumbling to himself.  
Without even realizing it Yondu’s against the wall with his feet drawn up on the bed and his knees tucked to his chest.  
He stays like that until he hears the bathroom light click off and Kraglin’s boots moving again.  
Kraglin stops dead halfway to the bunk when he realizes Yondu isn’t sleeping and he’s unfurling a little at a time on the bed, when Yondu’s back to sitting on the edge he can see Yondu’s stolen his favorite shirt.  
There’s just the smallest tug of a smile at the corners of his mouth when he points it out.  
Yondu doesn’t laugh or make a sexual innuendo or dismiss it, he just stares at him.

Yondu takes the fact Kragin hasn’t demanded him to get the hell out of his shirt as him being in a good mood.  
When he sees Kraglin give a little smile he can’t tell if it builds him back up a little or smashes him impossible further apart.  
That smile, the light dancing in Kraglin’s eyes, the way his words come out all soft and almost happy have Yondu off the bed.  
He stands nervous for a minute.  
He could take it off, tell Kraglin to give it to his love, ask him where he’s been, how it all went.  
He could grab him, blab everything that’s on his mind, beg and promise all the suns and moons in the galaxy if Kraglin will feel a little bit of what he does so he won’t abandon him.

Fuck it, if he’s going to shatter he might as well go out like the lights the ships send off during a funeral.

He means to take Kraglin’s arm, a hand maybe, but he find himself wrapped around him.  
Squeezing his thin roommate like there’s a hull breach and holding on to him is the only thing keeping him from being sucked out into the void.  
It’s appropriate he thinks, because that’s exactly how it might be.  
He’s shaking, vibrating with all the words fighting and swirling inside.  
He’s crying too but for the first time he doesn’t care if someone sees he’s not as cold and emotionally constipated as he always pretends, doing that and ignoring his feelings might have lost him the best thing he’s had since being freed.  
Stakar’s always told him everyone has a breaking point.  
When he opens his mouth it’s a rush that starts with an unearthly sound like when a ship hits atmosphere for it’s last time and it rattles, the metal grates and cries, calls out desperately for the stars again as it plummets down where spaceships are never meant to stay.

Kraglin guides Yondu to sit back down on the bed.  
He doesn’t think he can stand and if Yondu’s bending knees and wobbly legs are an indicator of anything than he’s fighting to be able to too.  
Yondu is shaking his head back and forth against his shoulder blade.  
Kraglin has never seen him this upset, never heard of him being this upset either.  
He had wanted to talk to Yondu but it seems Yondu has something he needs to get out and he’s not going to deny him that.  
He knows Yondu bottles everything up, it ain’t healthy but he understands.  
As Yondu throws his heart up through his mouth into his shoulder Kraglin’s own heart wobbles like that gelatinous crew mate in a solar storm.

Yondu emotionally bleeds out half in common, half in his native language but he’s taught enough of it to Kraglin that he’ll know everything being said.

“I think I love you.  
You do everything to make me feel wanted, needed, warm, like I’m home.  
I miss you when you’re not with me, even if it’s just for the shift.  
I’m jealous when you spend time with other people, when you look at them, touch them, love them and not because I want to be you but because it should be me you’re doing that with.  
I hurt when you hurt.  
I hurt when you cry, and when I can’t help you.  
When you smile it’s like a thousand suns in my chest and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way because of you.  
No one else makes me feel that way, does all the things you do.  
All the things they said earlier, it’s how I feel about you, what I want for us.  
I can’t live without you and even if it means I have to share, if it’s only once in awhile I get you in my life, not just my bed, than it’s okay.  
Please don’t leave me all alone.  
I don’t want to be alone again.”

Kraglin finds he’s crying too and clinging to Yondu just as hard as he is to him by the time Yondu slows down and his words dissolve into clicks and whistles made of water and fear.  
It’s everything he’s been sitting in his cockpit for the last few hours rehearsing to say himself.  
Everything he’s been hoping to hear since Stakar opened his door years ago and introduced a big blue ball of all the things he wasn’t, all the things his life was missing, as his new roommate.  
He rubs Yondu’s back, runs a hand over his implant, kisses the side of his head, tries to get him to calm down.  
Yondu’s far away.

Yondu feels helpless, broken, he isn’t sure he meant to just blurt his entire being out or that doing it helped at all.  
Some of the noises he’s making now translate to ‘pouchling broke’ and ‘pouchling lost’.  
They just slip out and he can’t control anything anymore, he hasn’t felt this weak and vulnerable since he was first shoved in a tiny cage as a toddler and carted off.  
He just lets Kraglin flop him over on the bed because his emotional outburst has drained him and now that the flood gate is closing he’s exhausted, lets him grab his face, lets him kiss him…

Kiss him?

When Kraglin pulls back and Yondu rubs the tears out of eyes that he’s going to deny ever happen to anyone but Kraglin because he might be in love but damn it they’re Ravagers and he has a reputation to maintain, he thinks maybe while he was staring into the closet earlier it was one of Kruger’s magic trick things and he’s been hypnotized into hearing and seeing things that aren’t there.  
“Lovey ya ain’t broke and ya never gonna be lost cuz I’ll always find ya” Kraglin tells him as he leans down for another soft kiss.  
Yondu kisses back and it’s hard and desperate and when they nick each others lips Yondu can taste Kraglin’s blood, his own blood and he knows it’s real.

The rest of the night is spent curled into each other, ‘I love you’ gets said so many times they turn it into jokes: ‘Hey Yondu, guess what? - You love me? - How’d you know!’ or ‘Krags, did you know there’s someone with a crush on you? - Oh really, who? - Me!’.  
They still aren’t going to be real public about it, it’s enough that they know themselves.  
Publicly shouting it might have repercussions on a ship with all kinds of people who have different ideas and cultural things when neither of them is in a position to really do anything about it without more repercussions.  
If they feel the need to grab a bullhorn they can wait until Yondu is Captain of his own ship, which according to Stakar is going to be really soon.

Yondu already knows who he’s going to ask to step up to be his First Mate and he already knows they'll say yes, neither of them would have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> As always tell me if I missed a tag or something is messed up  
> Kudos/comments let me know you read it and liked it  
> ^_^


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